Fridays
by Child the Great
Summary: Every Friday at four o'clock, Toby and Dwight have an appointment, and each time Dwight brings a long list of complaints against Jim.


**A/N: Hello sistas and bros! I was watching the episode "Conflict Resolution" and thought it would be fun to write a little one-shot about the appointment that Toby has with Dwight about Jim's pranks every Friday. This is set around the time after "Booze Cruise" and I hope you guys enjoy! **

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"He put my belongings in the vending machine." Dwight looked up from his list.

Toby sighed. "And how did he do that?"

"He's friends with the vending machine man," Dwight stated matter-of-factly. "I'm one hundred percent certain that he had help." He cracked his knuckles, shaking his head, and muttered, "Then he made me pay for them."

Toby stared at the far corner of the conference room. What time was it?

"Well?" Dwight demanded. "Aren't you going to record it?"

Toby sighed again and wrote: "_Jim Halpert put all my belongings in the vending machine and made me pay for them."_

"Today, everyone - including _you,_ Toby - has called me Dwayne," Dwight growled. "And I have no doubt that Jim Halpert paid them."

Toby recorded that one: "_Everyone has called me Dwayne all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."_

He said, "Well, Dwayne, it was five dollars."

Dwight stood from his seat, pointing a finger at him. "I don't care if it was a million dollars! I am Assistant Regional Manager and I am ordering you to stop!"

Toby shrugged and gestured to Dwight's list. "Keep reading."

Dwight sat back down with a huff and picked up the wrinkled lined paper. "Number three: when I went to the bathroom yesterday, I came back and found a dead grasshopper in my coffee." He looked up thoughtfully. "Actually, it didn't taste that bad. I'm still not sure if it was real or not."

Toby tried, and failed, to dismiss from his mind the image of Dwight casually drinking a bug. Or, possibly, fake bug. "Alright . . . moving on."

"Write it," Dwight commanded.

"I'm . . . I'm doing that."

"Show me, then."

Toby sighed for the millionth time and wrote it down. "Alright. How much more is there?"

"Twelve more."

Toby groaned and Dwight said, "This is critical, Toby. When you send this to New York, it needs to be very clear that Jim Halpert is the worst employee in the office. In the _company._"

Toby nodded blindly, knowing full well that he was never going to send any complaints against Jim Halpert to New York. That was just one, little lie he told Dwight to make him relax. He never expected the man to remember it.

"Number four," Dwight read. "Today, Jim Halpert hid a cellphone in my desk that somehow blared car horns whenever I picked up my phone. It has annoyed me all day and I still haven't found it."

Toby laughed, unable to stop himself. How did Jim do that? He'd have to ask him later.

"This," Dwight snarled, "is _not_ funny. Not in the least."

"Okay, you're right." Toby made a straight face and rubbed his eyes. _Jim Halpert, the cleverest man in the office._

"Write it down, Toby."

Toby gladly scribbled that one down, knowing that if he ever needed a good laugh, he'd just have to grab this paper and look at that one particular prank.

"Five: on Monday morning I came in and found a giant inflatable turtle in place of my chair. It was extremely uncomfortable and had deflated by lunchtime."

Toby snorted and Dwight gave him a death glare. "Not FUNNY, _Toby_."

"Alright, sorry." Toby recorded it and gestured to Dwight to continue.

"Six: I found a note in my desk that had been signed by the name _Secret Girlfriend._ I don't know anyone that is named Secret Girlfriend."

"Well . . . what did the note say?" Toby asked innocently.

"It told me to meet her in the ladies' room," Dwight responded, his nostrils flared.

Toby felt the corners of his mouth twitch, but he willed himself to not smile. "So, did you?"

Dwight hissed under his breath. "Maybe."

Toby wrote it down.

"Seven: he offered me a piece of chocolate on Wednesday, which turned out to be mud . . ."

They went through fifteen complaints, all of which Toby had to hold back his laughter. See, these appointments were dreadful, but he had to admit - hearing all the pranks Jim Halpert played on Dwight Schrute was humorous.

Jim really had too much time on his hands.

"Is that all?" Toby asked after he had written down the last one, his hand aching.

"Yes . . ." Dwight stopped. "Actually, I have one more complaint."

Toby groaned louder, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his face. "What now?"

"This has nothing to do with Jim. Actually, it does. In a way."

"Just tell me, Dwayne."

"It's DWIGHT, you -" Dwight banged his fist on the table, cutting himself off. "Alright. I will not punish you for being so weak against the manipulative malice of Jim Halpert. He will be the one to pay."

Toby sighed. Again. "Are we done here?"

"No. I would like to file a complaint."

"You told me that. I would like to know what the complaint is."

Dwight pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I am disappointed that I haven't heard from New York yet."

Toby raised his eyebrow. "I'm sorry?"

"You said these papers are being sent to New York. It has been several years since we started these appointments, yes? Well, I have got no response from New York yet." Dwight stared at Toby, his shoulders tense. "I am angry that Jim Halpert has not been fired yet for all the immature and irresponsible things he has done to me during those years."

Toby sighed (again) and wrote that one down, then put it in the folder where he kept all the other employee's complaints. He realized he would have to lie to Dwight again. Just a little lie, though. "You know, I'm sure they're just . . . waiting to see how far Jim will go."

Dwight was unblinking. "Toby, you are a very bad liar."

"I . . . would never lie to you." Toby glanced at the clock.

"You're not looking me in the eye. I can see you're perspiring. I am an expert at catching people in the lie - you should know that. You know how I became an expert?" Toby shook his head and Dwight's lips curled upwards. "Jim Halpert."

"And how's that?"

"He's an even worse liar than you. When he's not being truthful, he covers his mouth with his hand. Like this." Dwight demonstrated by staring straight forward and putting a hand on his chin, looking thoughtful. It wasn't a very good imitation, and Toby now knew exactly how to tell when Dwight was lying.

"So . . ." Toby shrugged casually. "I think the appointment's over, then."

"Yes, yes." Dwight stood up and extended a hand. "Good work, partner."

Toby shook it, mentally patting himself on the back for weaseling his way out of a conflict with Dwight once again.

As Dwight walked out the conference room, Toby called, "See you soon, Dwayne."

Dwayne let out a strangled sound and kicked the trash can in frustration, then stormed away in a huff.

Toby heard Michael yell, "Toby, pick up the trash can! I'm sick of your crap."

So he obediently picked up the trash can. Why did his good mood have to be spoiled by Michael so quickly?

He thought of Jim's pranks.

He thought of the lie he told Dwight.

Sitting down at the conference room table, Toby picked up the piece of paper and read over Jim Halpert's ingenious pranks. He felt better afterwards.

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**Thanks and happy writing!**


End file.
